Feeling like your boyfriend is protective and wants to be close to you can feel nice, right? It’s like you’re his favorite person, and he wants to keep you all to himself.
And, when he gets a bit jealous when other guys talk to you? That can be attractive!
But there’s a line between cute clinginess and unhealthy possessiveness.
The scary part is, the difference can be hard to spot.
In this article, we’ll help you figure out if your boyfriend thinks he owns you.
And, you’ll also learn what to do about it if he does.
1. He Violates Your Privacy
No matter how he tries to justify it, your boyfriend doesn’t have the right to invade your privacy. Everyone deserves personal space, and it’s not selfish to protect yours.
He might ask to read your texts or check your social media. He might say things like “Don’t you trust me?” or “If you trust me, you’ll let me see.” He might even tell you sad stories about past relationships to make you feel bad and give him what he wants.
Stand your ground and say no. Trust goes both ways, and wanting to see everything on your phone isn’t a sign of trust.
If he insists or tries to snoop around without your permission, change your passwords. It’s important to keep your information safe.
Some people have shared their passwords to show trust and regretted it later when their accounts got messed with. Don’t let that happen to you just because you wanted to prove you trust your boyfriend.
2. He Keeps Messaging You When You’re Out
It’s okay for your guy to care about you when you’re not together.
Asking if you’re safe or saying he misses you is sweet. It’s nice when he checks in on you sometimes. It’s better than him not caring at all!
But if he’s always checking up on you and gets mad if you don’t reply right away, that’s not cute.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean he gets to know where you are all the time.
If he keeps asking for your location and who you’re with, it shows he doesn’t trust you. He’ll never be satisfied, even if you keep updating him.
Trust is important in a relationship. If he can’t trust you when you’re not around, maybe he’s not ready for a relationship.
3. For Some Reason, He’s Always Right Around The Corner
Imagine leaving work and finding him waiting for you in the corner.
You plan to meet friends at the park, and surprise! He’s there walking his dog.
Make a new contact on Twitter? Suddenly, he’s curious about them.
Add a new friend on Facebook? He’s reacting to their posts.
Maybe it’s just coincidence, but if it keeps happening, he might be stalking you. If you feel uneasy, trust your gut and talk to him about it.
You should never feel like you can’t have space from him. Being a couple means being together, but it doesn’t mean giving up parts of your life.
4. He Tries To Control How You Look
No, we’re not talking about suggesting you not wear a bikini to a wedding, because that’s reasonable and mostly about him not wanting you to feel embarrassed.
We mean, if he doesn’t want you to wear makeup or gets mad when you dress sexy, even if it’s just a sundress. He might say things like, “You look slutty in that outfit,” or “You look like a meth head with that lipstick,” even if you know you look pretty.
When he says stuff like this, he’s trying to make sure other guys don’t notice you.
Sure, he can give fashion advice, but think about whether it’s reasonable or just him trying to control you. Pay attention to his mood when you wear something nice. That’s a clue.
5. He Has Issues With Your Friends
You don’t have to expect your boyfriend to like all your friends, just like you might not like some of his friends. But if your boyfriend doesn’t get along with any of your friends, or he gets upset when you hang out with them instead of him, that’s not okay.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to pick between your friends and your boyfriend. It’s your choice who you want to be friends with, not his.
Sure, if your friends are doing really bad stuff, like drugs, then it’s understandable if he’s worried. But if they’re just regular people with flaws, he should give them a break.
Watch out if he’s always talking trash about your friends. It could mean he’s trying to isolate you from them, so you only rely on him.
That’s not cool at all.
6. He Gets Incredibly Paranoid Or Angry If He Sees You Talking With Another Guy
No matter who it is — whether it’s someone from high school, a coworker, the pizza guy, or the neighbor down the street — when you talk to another guy and your boyfriend gets upset, that’s not okay. If he sulks or gets really angry, remember, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s his issue and he needs to deal with his insecurities on his own.
It’s normal to feel a bit jealous sometimes, but it’s not okay for him to handle it by sulking or demanding explanations every time you talk to another guy.
And if he goes crazy over it? That’s a sign he’s not ready for a mature relationship.
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells, worrying about talking to any guy who isn’t your boyfriend. Everyone should be able to handle this in a relationship.
If his past experiences make him paranoid, like if he saw his mom cheat or his ex betrayed him, that’s not something you can fix. He needs therapy to work through it, or else he won’t be a good partner to you or anyone else.
7. He Wants All Your Time To Himself
We all like spending time with the people we care about. It’s natural to want that.
But a possessive partner takes it too far. They want to be with you all the time and get upset if you have other plans.
For example, let’s say you had dinner plans for the weekend, but then your friend invites you to a beach outing. Since you don’t get to see your friend often, you suggest postponing dinner. You can always have dinner another time, right?
Well, your boyfriend gets really angry! He might say some mean things about your friend and even invite himself along.
If your boyfriend acts like this, tell him clearly that you don’t want this kind of relationship. If he keeps doing it, maybe it’s time to end things. It’s not cute; it’s just too much.
8. He Always Wants To Have A Say In Your Decisions
He wants to have a say in everything you decide. He always wants to give his opinion, and sometimes, he’ll even try to intimidate you into agreeing with him.
For example, if you suggest a beach trip to Florida, he might say it’s too dangerous because of all the alligators. Or if you have a business idea, he might say it’ll just stress you out too much.
Your partner should trust you to make your own decisions. It’s okay for him to give advice, but you’re perfectly capable of making choices on your own.
Remember, while there are some things you should decide together, like buying a house, he shouldn’t expect you to follow his every command in every aspect of your life.
9. He Doesn’t Want To Hear No
A big sign of a bad relationship is when your guy can’t handle being told “no.” He might react angrily or upset when you say it, which can be really scary.
Sometimes, it’s not so obvious. He might keep trying to change your mind or make you feel guilty for saying no. This can be harder to deal with.
After you say no, he might ignore you for days or leave and not come back for a while. It’s manipulative behavior.
If you’re afraid to say no to your boyfriend, even if you’re not sure why, it’s important to figure out why that is.
10. He Gets Really Defensive
Whenever you try to talk to him about things that bother you, he gets really defensive right away.
He won’t apologize for his actions. Instead, he’ll make excuses and try to justify what he’s doing. He might even bring up your own flaws or blame his behavior on his depression or rough childhood.
He won’t admit he’s wrong and might even convince you that this is normal in relationships.
In the worst case, he might threaten to hurt himself and say it’s because he loves you.
Remember, even if he goes through with his threat, it’s not your fault — it’s all on him.
Think about your future. Do you want to be with someone who manipulates you, especially if you have a mortgage and kids? Probably not.
So, it’s important to address this issue early on or consider leaving the relationship.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Thinks He Owns You?
If you’re reading this and thinking,
“Yep, that sounds just like my boyfriend,” it’s time to take action before it’s too late.
Don’t worry, your relationship can still be fixed, and you can protect yourself from a controlling boyfriend. Here are some steps you can take if you feel like your boyfriend is controlling you:
1. Re-Establish Your Self-Confidence And Self-Respect
Depending on how long you’ve been with your boyfriend, he might have made you doubt yourself and feel less confident. Possessive boyfriends often do this to make us rely on them.
Rebuilding your self-confidence and self-respect is the first step to improving your relationship. Consider therapy, talk to supportive people like your mom, and read self-help books.
Remember, you deserve to be trusted and respected as a person.
2. Reassess Your Relationship
Take a moment to step back from any feelings of love you have for your boyfriend and look at the bigger picture.
Are you feeling unsafe?
Is his possessiveness so extreme that you fear he might hurt you, or worse?
Does the relationship truly make you happy, or do you feel stuck because you think you have no other option?
Do you still want to try to make things work?
Remember, you matter a lot!
You’re your own person and you deserve to be treated with respect, not like someone’s property.
Don’t always prioritize your boyfriend’s feelings over your own.
3. Try Fixing Your Relationship
If you don’t feel like you’re in serious danger and you still think your relationship is worth it, then it’s time to make some changes.
Sit down with your partner and talk about the issues. Choose a time when you both are free so you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
Be clear and direct. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Here are some tips for talking to him about this:
- Expect him to react. Even if his possessiveness isn’t extreme, he might still get upset and come up with excuses.
- Stay calm. Make sure you express yourself clearly without getting too emotional. If you lose your temper, it’ll be harder to work things out.
- Stand your ground. He might try to make you doubt yourself, but don’t let him. Be confident in what you’re saying.
- Be very clear about what you want to change in the relationship. Don’t leave any room for confusion. If you don’t want him talking badly about your family or checking up on you on social media, tell him clearly.
- If he’s willing to change, support him. Possessiveness and jealousy take time to overcome. Consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor if the problems are too big to handle on your own. Be patient and understanding throughout the process.
4. Don’t Be Afraid To End The Relationship
Sure, trying to fix your relationship might seem like a good idea, but sometimes it’s better to leave if it’s causing you more harm than good.
Don’t be scared to end things, especially if you feel unsafe. If you think your boyfriend might hurt you, ruin your self-confidence, or even worse, harm you, then it’s time to get out of there fast.
But even if you don’t feel like he’s dangerous, think about whether staying with him is worth it. Can you be happy if he doesn’t change? Is he someone you’d want to raise kids with? What’s your limit?
He might just be insecure, or he might be really bad news. Either way, he needs to grow up emotionally.
It’s not your job to fix him, and it’s not fair for you to sacrifice your mental health just to make him happy.
Maybe you’re just not right for each other.
And who knows, maybe leaving him will actually help him become a better person!
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who’s right for you, and your boyfriend right now? He’s definitely not the one. If you don’t let him go, you might never find your true love.
5. Tie Up Loose Ends
If you decide to break up with him, be careful.
Not every boyfriend will react badly to a breakup, but it’s good to be prepared, especially if he’s the type to cause trouble.
Does he have any private videos or pictures of you? Try to figure out what you can do about that. If not, be ready to act if he threatens to share them online. Sadly, this happens a lot these days.
If he’s been violent or made threats against you or your family, be ready to call police or helplines if he tries to force you back or carry out his threats.
If he doesn’t do any of these things, then you haven’t lost anything.
But if he does? You might not have a choice. You need to get out!
Remember, your life is yours.
Don’t let your possessive boyfriend treat you like a pet.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the nicest guy in the world, or if he’s rich and famous. Even if he treats you well in other ways, this behavior isn’t okay.
Life is too short to deal with these problems, and there’s plenty of time to find someone who treats you right.
You deserve love that’s free.
